what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
