Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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