I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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