Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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