You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
