Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
