I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
