someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
