it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
