Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
