I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
