Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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