My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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