Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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