don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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