I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
