i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
50% drunk capacity currently
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
