Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
