Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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