as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
