please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
