Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
