do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
