Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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