I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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