My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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