There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes