dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic