I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
