I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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