Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
