Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
