did you get engaged???
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
