i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
