I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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