If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize