the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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