oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
