I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
