i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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