I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
