happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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