Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
