I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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