I want to have your abortion
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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