it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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