So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
