Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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