How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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