you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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