just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
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Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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