Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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