Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
