I just pynch a tree in the face
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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