It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
