is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
