I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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