I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
