I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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