It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
