the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
