the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
home. puking in laundry basket.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
