i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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