you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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