I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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