bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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