would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
