He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
