mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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