so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
